Census time again – Anyone need a job?

2010 Census Jobs

The U.S. Census Bureau is recruiting temporary, part-time census takers for the 2010 Census (whoopee!). These short-term jobs offer good pay (sure), flexible hours, paid training, and reimbursement for authorized work-related expenses, such as mileage incurred while conducting census work. Best of all, census takers work right in their own communities (too dangerous).

Census taker jobs are excellent (by government standards, maybe) for people who want to work part-time, those who are between jobs, or just about anyone (losers) who wants to earn extra money while performing an important service (right) for their community.

What an opportunity!!! Have you applied yet? Sign me up!

Bucky sez - Do I get to wear a uniform? What about Health Care coverage?

THE CENSUS TAKER

Five and half year-old Jennie answered the door when the census taker came
by.

She told the census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn’t home
because he was performing an appendectomy.

“My,” said the census taker, “that sure is a big word for such a little
girl. Do you know what it means?”

“Oh, Sure! Fifteen-hundred bucks straight up. Of course, that
doesn’t even include the anesthesiologist!”

After several days of fruitless search I have been unable to discover the whereabouts of “Baby Brother” – a.k.a. Hugh Betcha. I’m sure the “Greys” from Zeta Reticuli have him and I’ve yet to determine their motive for the abduction. Hugh gets along with everybody. Who doesn’t love Hugh?

Hugh has always lived on the edge and as far as I know he may have impregnated some Alien guy’s daughter or wife; he may have made off with one of their treasured artifacts or advanced technologies that he tried to sell to the “Highest bidder.” Your guess is as good as mine at this point.

So far, I have found clues in the usual forms and signs of alien contact, such as Grafitti and Crop Circles. Let me show you something.

Graffiti is often used by Extraterrestrials as a Steganographic means to send encrypted messages without anyone noticing. In the photo the black paint appears to list items to pick up on the way home for somebody’s Arcturian housewife.

Crop circles can be thought of as Alien Blogs posted for their own amusement. Here are four examples. The bottom left shows a guy bragging about his sexual escapades. His antics make Tiger Woods look like a monk. Of course, where he’s from it really doesn’t take two sexes to reproduce, the implication being that he actually can go F**K himself. The upper left is from a Nezferian who is fed up with taxation and ready to go ballistic. The other two were just stoned.

My first real clue to Hugh’s abduction came like a bolt form the blue; literally! This flaming mass came hurling down into my back yard and took out a mesquite. After I put out the fire and things cooled off a bit, I found the tiny lump pictured here. My first thought was that this was the Alien equivalent of sending Hugh back in a body bag. I was close.

We immediately had it tested, and though it turns out to be organic material it did not match Hugh’s DNA. It does however appear that the “Greys” took a dump and flushed it on “Joe Mama.” “Hey guys! Next time, I’m packing your lunch.”

I eventually found some grafitti on my trash dumpster that directed me to the Jack-in-the-Box over on Speedway. There I found a Nutritional Facts brochure with the hidden message to take 50 Jumbo Jacks – extra ketchup – and 50 orders of fries to an abandoned warehouse off of Old Nogales Highway and wait.

A secret source in the DIA was able to provide me with this classified photo. Take a good look people, your son or daughter may bring one home to marry some day. So, if you see a guy that looks like this one…

Give him this message from “Joe Mama.” Meanwhile, I’m down on Speedway picking up some hot beef burgers. Ciao, Baby! I’m soooo outta here!

According to reliable witnesses Hugh was last seen being abucted by a strange creature that flew off in a saucer shaped UFO. Hugh was heard to be muttering, “Get hold of yourself, Man! It’s only an illusion.”

A full description of the the abductor is contained in the following video.

Bucky has left the Planet – “If I hadn’t believed it, I never would have seen it.”

Yes, kiss me, I’m Irish. It is the next best thing to kissing the Blarney Stone.
Okay, I’m Scots-Irish, kiss me anyway, we have our own stone in the Orkney Islands that stands in a tidal inlet called the Oyce of Quindry and our color is orange. We kilt wearing bastards have been playing the pipes and warring with the English Crown for hundreds of years. I guess that was finally settled, but I digress.

Today is the day for the wearing of the Green (originally it was blue, but don’t ask). Today is the day we celebrate the little bit of Irish in each of us. I’m certain that if the day ever comes when we have extraterrestrial visitors they will claim Irish ancestory. We celebrate St. Patrick on this day each year to honor the patron Saint of Ireland (who, himself, wasn’t actually Irish, but was born into a wealthy Romano-British family). There are annual parades and feasts and colorful events to enliven our spirits and the day.

Speaking of spirits, there will also be plenty of drinking along with the corned beef and cabbage. You aren’t worth your salt if you can’t toss them back with the best of them. This activity often can blacken the day of green for some celebrants. So, let’s keep it under control.

In Argentina all-night long parties are celebrated in designated streets, people dance and drink only beer throughout the night, until seven or eight in the morning. Sounds like the good ol’ USA. In Buenos Aires, the party is held in downtown street Reconquista, where there are several Irish pubs; in 2006, there were 50,000 people in this street and the pubs nearby. Neither the Catholic Church nor the Irish community, the fifth largest in the world outside Ireland, take part in the organization of the parties. Interesting, yes?

I know a lot of people take the day off (including me) to get an early start. Whatever your plans are today, I hope you have a safe and happy holiday! Don’t drink and drive; and if you do, stay out of Tucson.

I’m leaving you with this bit of Irish wit.

Ladies and Gents, Bucky has left the building!

Two Men from Ireland
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
“Why of course,” comes the reply.
The first man then asks: “Where are you from?”
“I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man.
The first man responds: “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s have another round to Ireland.”
“Of Course,” replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks: “Where in Ireland are you from?”
“Dublin,” comes the reply.
“I can’t believe it,” says the first man.
“I’m from Dublin too! Let’s have another drink to Dublin.”
“Of course,” replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks:
“What school did you go to?”
“Saint Mary’s,” replies the second man.
“I graduated in ’62.”

“This is unbelievable!” the first man says.
“I went to Saint Mary’s and I graduated in ’62, too!”

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
“What’s been going on?” he asks the bartender.
“Nothing much,” replies the bartender. “The O’Malley twins are drunk again.”

March 15, 2009
A year passes so quickly. It was a wonderful day. The weather was very cooperative for a March day in Chicago. There were so many happy moments filled with handshakes, hugs and kisses as two families gathered together. Many expressions of love were exchanged. A beautiful ceremony was followed by food and drink and festive dancing. All too soon it was over. And I’d trade everyday from that one forward just to have the opportunity to do it all over again.
bocaj dna refinnej HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, KIDS!

Hugh loves ya!

Barbara De Angelis:
Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.

I sit here tired with aching muscles and sagging eyelids. The coffee tastes great and the sun is shining. Sundays are always inspiring after a Saturday spent breaking a sweat and possibly my back. There were several tasks completed and many things accomplished. I’ll post some photos of my new fire pit and loafing bench out at the “Man Cave.” We enjoyed a quiet hour of reflection there last night.

Today I feel motivated to suggest something that will inspire people to get better acquainted with one another. We pass by people everyday and have opportunities to offer more than a grunted hello or half-hearted smile and we fail to interact. Perhaps times have just made us less sociable. So next time your are standing in line at the bank or waiting to see the Dentist, I want you to introduce yourself to a stranger (yes, use your real name) and strike up a conversation. Listen to what that person has to say. Learn their story, everyone has something to offer. I think you will find the experience rewarding in and of itself.

After about five minutes I want you to try something a little different. Look wistfully into the other persons eyes for a moment and say something like, “I want you to have my baby!” It makes no difference if it is a man or woman. You could also try wearing a serious expression and ask them, “Have you ever considered becoming a member of the American Nazi Party?” You might further explain that you are from the planet Xeira in a far away galaxy or prehaps a parallel universe. Either way it will certainly liven up the conversation.

Give them a moment or two to react. Make note of changes in their facial expressions or any unusual hand gestures. If they are holding an umbrella, cane or other potential weapon, you may want to remain at a safe distance. If things get reallly out of hand I recommend fleeing while screaming, “Scotty! Beam me up!” One more thing; don’t call me to make your bail.

It is a beautiful day in Tucson, if it is that way where you are, take some time to go out and walk around in the sunshine. It will renew and refresh your spirit. Make the most of your day by spending it with someone you love. I hope you had a good laugh.

Hugh loves ya, Baby!

Hugh Betcha

Mark Twain:
The secret source of humour itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven.

It looks like Paul Bunyan has gotten his comeuppance. I found this photo after Mr. Bucky had posted his tale of woe. Perhaps it should have been called a “tail of whoa.” I went to the trouble (just for you people) to get a statement from the aggrieved Ox. So here in her own words is Babe’s story. I got it straight from the horse’s mouth.

“Paul began to take advantage of my vulnerability from a very early age. I have since learned that this is the way with most abusers. There were so many years under his control that I felt I would never be able to have a normal relationship with a “real ox.” There would be no “Home on the Range” or sod covered cottage for this Beast of Burden. There would be no family to raise, no possibilty of grandchildren to comfort me in my old age. Not even a career of my own”

“Yesterday, as I saw Paul approaching with that evil grin of his, I just flipped. Enough was enough! After having contracted several STDs over the years that left me barren, I snapped. I gave that S.O.B. exactly what he had coming. It was time that I stood up for myself and the experience was truly liberating.”

“Angelina has told me about an orphaned baby Water Buffalo from Vietnam and I’m considering adoption.”

Services for Paul will be held on Tuesday at 2:00 P.M. at Park Lawn Cemetery. The only ones who will be there are those who wish to spit on his grave. Burn in Hell, Paul Bunyan you dirty @##&**$!!!!”

Babe needed to be consoled, so we ended up spending the night together. All I will say is that she is quite a vixen.

Joe Mama says –

“When the trumpet sounds, I’ll be in the crapper.”

After watching a program about the “Underwear Bomber” who attempted to blow up an airliner over Detroit on Christmas day, I woke up thinking about his connection to Yemen. Exactly! Yeah, man, that’s where the terrorist group Al Qaeda is gaining a new stronghold. Then I thought, Oh, man! What if they spread over the border to Oman? Then I concluded that hey, Man; if we don’t resolve our differences the Earth could become a land for No man.

So, I’ve decided I’ll just hop on my Harley and go for a ride, real slow, man.

“Joe Mama” says:

Remember, he who feasts with the Devil must have a long spoon.

Every morning when I first sit down to the computer I select a word to search. I then sift through the results for something of interest. One day it may be “whacko” or “beserko,” while another day may be something like “loquacious” or “recalcitrant” (two characteristics quite meaningful to Hugh). I have no particular method for making the choice, it just the arrives without conscious effort. This is how most of my life is lived.

Today I chose the word “intrepid” and again had not given the matter any consideration beyond the decision to await inspiration. I first verified that I had the correct spelling and definition (Intrepid – fearless: courageous and bold) and then ran a search on Google.

A variety of businesses (mining, manufacturing and travel) and organizations (arts, publishing and mentoring) were offered by the results, as is typical in my experience. There was, of course, the famed USS Intrepid; an historic WWII Essex Class Aircraft Carrier. There was even the Starship Intrepid, another of Roddenberry’s StarTrek fantasy creations. Most of us are also familiar with the Dodge Intrepid (This seems like an oxymoron. If you are so Intrepid, why the dodge?) which is now defunct.

I was becoming discouraged since I usually turn up something a bit more intriguing. As a diversion I decided to catch up on some personal business and read the online journal of a friend. It was then I found the significance in the choice of “Intrepid.” The friend (I will refer to only as “Jerry”) has been battling Cancer for some time. Jerry’s post yesterday did not have good news. In fact, the news was not good at all. Current treatment had failed and the plan was revised to try one last drug which has been around for several years.

As those who know him would expect, he asks that face time exclude the topic of his Cancer from discussion. It is characteristic of Jerry not to want to make this the focus of his life. He and his wife continue to face life with indomitable spirit and faith, surrounded by a vast support network of friends and family. They both hold life sacred and are thankful of the many blessings that have been bestowed upon them.

Jerry enjoyed a career of his choosing that many of us only dream of. He was responsible for the safety of many lives every time he stepped into the cockpit of his 777. He served, like most of his comrades, with a pride and confidence in his abilities that was bolstered by his faith in God.

To me he serves as an inspiration and I am honored to be a part of his circle of friends. Be sure to tell those you love how much they mean to you, everyday.

That’s all until tomorrow. Hugh loves ya!

Hugh Betcha

Don Quixote:
Sanity may be madness but the maddest of all is to see life as it is and not as it should be.

I was out in Hugh’s “Man Cave” the other day and noticed this book sitting on a table near the window. It took me a moment to figure out what it was, but there was definitely something odd about this picture. Before long it became clear to me why Paul Bunyan was smiling and why poor “Babe” was so blue. Is it the camera angle or just my dirty mind? You be the judge!

According to writer James Stevens in his 1925 book Paul Bunyan, French Canadians gave birth to the tales during the Papineau Rebellion of 1837, when they revolted against the young English Queen. (I’ve always thought the French were revolting.) This would probably explain the origin of Bunyan’s last name since “Bonyenne” is a colloquial French-Canadian expression of surprise and astonishment meaning “Good Grief” or “My Goodness”. Yeah, that’s what I say! Babe, too!

If you are interested in getting more info on Paul Bunyan just click. For more about attractions and other fun along the road check out “Roadside America.com.”
Hugh will be back tomorrow. Until then…

Bucky says:

“If you can’t beat ‘em, EAT ME!”